Have you ever been afraid to give yourself fully to someone because you were afraid of how it might turn out?
In our world of today commitment is a scary word, a hard thing to do, and a promise to fulfill that so many people try to find ways to avoid it if possible because it implies that you have accepted responsibility, that you are “locked in,” and (sometimes) that you have given up an aspect of your freedom. To commit is also to determine not just what we do now, but what we do in the future—and who knows what will happen? So, for many it is better to just not commit, but to leave things ambiguous.
img credit: lovethispic
I dated 3 different people in a span of 2 months but I can’t seem to persuade myself into committing to one of them. Dating is fun and exciting. And to be honest, I miss the thought of having someone who will hold me and tell me everything is alright. I miss that feeling of saying ‘I love you’ and mean it. But whenever I am about to get close to someone (emotionally/physically), I find myself rather afraid of not being able to detach from that person. I don’t even know why I need to ‘detach’?
But how can you tell if someone isn’t ready to have a commitment with you? If you find yourself in any of these situations, you might be dating a Commitment-Phobe.
1. Goes from one short-lived relationships to the next.
Most of the time, they end relationships before they get too serious. They don’t allow the relationship to grow and they have no intentions of ever doing so.
2. Still talks about the ex.
They are obviously not over the ex. There is definitely unfinished business there. I would communicate with them nicely about how it bothers me. If they still insists on talking to/about the ex and doesn’t respect your feelings, I would get out before I get hurt unfortunately.
3. Doesn’t believe in titles.
As soon as a they put a label on it they feel like they could be stuck in it or feels like they couldn’t leave. Another reason why they refuse to ‘make it official’ it’s so they can have the benefits of being your boyfriend/girlfriend without the responsibility of one.
4. Rarely responds to texts or calls.
Claim they’re “too busy” with work, etc — yet finds time to write 3 statuses on Facebook every day. It’s either he/she: (1) is not interested in you anymore; (2) is playing mind games with you, full well knowing that by keeping you waiting for a response will cause you bitter frustration and they get a kick out of it; or (3) is lazy and don’t respect you enough to respond to you.
5. Backs out of plans at the last minute and have trouble setting a time for dates.
They are letting you know that making plans with you is not their top priority.
6. You have not met their family or friends.
Of course inviting you to meet the family is a big deal, as it should be, and it doesn’t happen until they feel like this thing is going somewhere. If they don’t introduce you to their family or friends, or ask you to hang out with them once in a while, go to a party or get together with them – that’s a sure sign that they’re not sure about the whole thing. Or that they’re hiding you.
7. Seem to be more focused on their career/work over relationship.
Work are common excuses used by people who are afraid of commitments to stay out of a serious relationship. If they’re willing to be committed, they will find a work-life balance.
8. Avoids relationship conversations.
If they avoid these conversations, or quickly moves on to other topics, it’s obvious that they don’t want to be ‘cornered’ into defining your relationship and want to keep their options open. Or don’t want to hurt your emotions.
9. Doesn’t spend the weekends (or the holidays) with you.
Like if they’re just taking off on a vacation with friends over the holidays because that’s when it’s less crowded, and you’re not invited, then you’re clearly a low priority to them.
10. Is only interested in sex.
In a ‘relationship‘ like this, if they happen to meet someone else or for whatever reason loses interest, they can mess around with someone else and/or drop you and you can’t get mad because you’re not their girlfriend/boyfriend.
The best thing to do is to talk to that person to see if the matter can be resolved. If you can get them to open up to you about anything and everything, you will have a much easier time winning them over overall. If they decide to take a chance with you, congratulations! If not, well I guess it’s time for you to leave before you get yourself hurt.